Is “Midwest Nice” Actually Kind? What Leaders Should Know About Cultural Assumptions 

Most of us believe we treat people fairly. We assume that being a “good person” naturally translates into being respectful, inclusive, and equitable in how we work with others.

But good intentions and effective impact are not always the same thing.

Whether you lead a company, manage a team, or collaborate with colleagues across the country or around the globe, you influence others every day. It’s how your habits, assumptions, and communication styles shape that influence.

The Culture We Don’t Realize We Carry

Every one of us is shaped by the environment we grew up in. Our sense of what is “normal” comes from our families, communities, schooling, and workplaces.

It influences things like:

• How direct we are when communicating
• What we consider respectful or rude
• How quickly we get to business versus building relationships
• How we interpret time, deadlines, or urgency
• What good customer service looks like

Because these patterns feel normal to us, we often assume they’re universal.

They’re not.

For example, many of us in the Midwest pride ourselves on being polite and accommodating. We soften requests, avoid confrontation, and wrap feedback in layers of friendliness.

Instead of saying, “Please send that report by 3:00,” we might say, “Whenever you get a chance, could you maybe send that over this afternoon?”

To us, that sounds courteous. To someone from a more direct communication culture, it can sound unclear or optional.

Now imagine those small misunderstandings multiplied across teams that span different regions, industries, generations, or national cultures. What one person intends as polite collaboration, another may experience as vague, passive, or even frustrating.

When Assumptions Travel With Us

I once had a moment that made this clear to me.

While traveling out of state, I ordered a beer at dinner. It was great – a nice German Hefewiezen; however, no one came back to offer me another. My glass sat empty for quite a while. I assumed the service was inattentive and left a smaller tip.

The next night, I noticed a sign in another restaurant: “Two drink MAXIMUM.”

Back home in Wisconsin, it’s common for entertainment venues  to have a two drink minimum and at social events it is rare for your glass to be unfilled. What I interpreted as poor service was simply a different set of norms and policies; my belief affected my behavior.

My expectation wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t universal either.

This is exactly how cultural misunderstandings show up in organizations. A manager might assume a team member is disengaged when they’re actually showing respect by waiting to be invited into the conversation. A colleague might think someone is overly blunt when they’re simply communicating in the direct style common in their region or culture.

Without awareness, we fill those gaps with assumptions, we make up a narrative, and we may judge the differences.

Good Intentions Aren’t the Same as Impact

In many organizations, especially in leadership roles, people share similar backgrounds. That can make certain communication styles or norms feel “standard.”

But what feels standard to one group can feel confusing or exclusionary to another.

Most of the time, no one intends harm. Yet the impact can still affect collaboration, trust, and retention.

That’s why cultural competence matters in today’s workplace. It’s not about memorizing etiquette rules for every culture you might encounter. It’s about recognizing that your perspective is shaped by your experiences, and so is everyone else’s. It’s about increasing your self-awareness and building skills to attend to the differences more effectively.

A Better Leadership Habit: Curiosity

The most effective leaders today aren’t the ones who assume they already understand everyone around them. They’re the ones who stay curious.

They ask questions like:

• How might someone else interpret this communication?
• What assumptions am I bringing into this situation?
• Is my intent matching the impact I’m having?
• What might be different about how this team approaches feedback, authority, or collaboration? 

Cultural competence isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being aware enough to notice when your default approach may not work for everyone.

So… Is Midwest Nice Actually Kind?

Midwest Nice can absolutely be kind. But kindness isn’t just about what we intend. It’s about how our behavior is experienced by others. I had one individual from the east coast share with me, “There ain’t nothing meaner than midwest-nice.”

Sometimes real respect requires being clearer. Clear is kind. Sometimes kindness requires asking instead of assuming. Sometimes it means recognizing that the way we’ve always done things may not work for every person on the team.

The good news? Awareness is a skill. And like any leadership skill, it can grow.

Because once we understand how our habits and assumptions shape our interactions, we can choose a different approach.

And that’s where stronger teams and better workplaces begin.